My son, Henry, recently turned 3! And each year, his birthday brings an opportunity to reflect on his birth. And although I’ve talked about it, even processed a lot in therapy, I never truly documented it all.

While a few years later, parts do feel distant, a lot still feels so fresh. So finally, this year, I decided to write our story down.

Before you dive in, I just want to note this: Birth is natural and beautiful but also intense. It can be traumatic (and unfortunately, too often is especially due to a very broken healthcare system and birth industry specifically). And while reading and listening to other people’s birth stories can be educational, empowering, and even just plain enjoyable, it can also be triggering.

I’ve done my best to recount the details and the timeline as best as I could but I’m not going to shy away from hard parts and the reality that is birth. So just pause and assess with yourself before continuing on- and if you choose not to, that’s perfectly okay!

Preparing for birth & creating my “plan”

Along with my husband, Edwin, I did choose to have a hospital birth but also intentionally chose a team that took a more holistic approach, honored the encompassing nature of pregnancy and birth, and that I felt would best honor my goals.

When I initially found out I was pregnant, I went to a local practice and had a very negative experience. Immediately after, I went home and started researching to find the right team to care for me during this experience and I’m so glad I did. (Reminder: you can fire practitioners who don’t listen, shame, insight fear, gaslight, and/or overall don’t support you!)

I settled on a practice that had an OB/GYN (who wasn’t my favorite but I chose to only see him when absolutely necessary) and two midwives (who I especially loved, booked most of my prenatal appointments with, and had an understanding that due to my wishes, one of them would aim to attend my baby’s birth).

I also picked this practice because they delivered out of a hospital that had a more holistic birth center. I really appreciated that they had a variety of labor props- including a tub, fully supported and, encouraged having a doula, and had IBCLC’s on staff plus nurses trained in lactation.

Throughout my pregnancy and especially towards the end, we really took advantage of the support provided by our hospital. We took breastfeeding and newborn care classes. We met with a “birth navigator” who went over different birth options and input our wishes into my patient file.

But there was also education and support I sought outside of what was offered. We hired a doula and took an Evidence Based Birth Class with her. I read a ton of books like Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I listened to so a lot of discussions and many birth stories via podcasts like The Modern Mamas Podcast, Birthful, and The Birthfit Podcast.

In the final weeks of my pregnancy, I declined any cervical checks and a membrane sweep. My midwives suggested I eat dates and take evening primrose oil (which I did) and I increased my visits to acupuncture where we focused on more prep for birth. I did some hip opening exercises at home and went on slow and short walks, and overall did the best I could to rest a ton!

I did feel confident and fully informed going in, but of course parts of me were nervous especially for the unknown and the unpredictability of birth in general.

Induction & initial stages of labor

My water technically broke in the morning on October 14th (I woke to it around 7am) but I didn’t realize it right away because it was what was called a “slow leak.” I didn’t feel a pop or experience a gush of water like some women do. Edwin even went to work and I tried to go back to sleep (but couldn’t).

Once I woke up, I called my OB/midwives’ office and told them what happened. They wanted me to come in right away, so Edwin came home and off we went. This was around maybe 10 or 11am.

Sure enough, my OB took a swap and confirmed it was amniotic fluid and that I’d meet my baby soon, which of course wasn’t surprising, but also is when shit felt real.

However, because I wasn’t dilated or even having contractions yet, my doctor told me to get to the hospital for induction ASAP. Which I was not happy about. At all. I remember my doctor speaking so matter of factly about it, too, which pissed me off more. Just standard procedure, nothing new here!

Induction was far from my plan and scared the hell out of me. I feared the cascade of interventions and felt like things were starting off all wrong. I cried a lot and immediately felt discouraged.

We said we’d go home to get our things but took our time, stopping by a local town to walk around and process the reality of our last hours just the 2 of us (and hope labor started so I could avoid induction).

Nothing changed even by the time we got home. I felt like a little kid delaying bedtime but the inevitable was approaching. (To be clear, the reason for this was the increased risk of infection after my water broke. The goal was to have my baby out within 24 hours of my water breaking… which actually isn’t evidence-based. This is why I felt okay taking some time to get to the hospital! Plus, in the end, pretty much happened exactly even without the encouragement assumed!).

We arrived at the hospital later that afternoon around 3 or 4pm, got checked in and set up in our room. I was informed that the plan was to give me 4 doses of Cytotec at 4 hour intervals to help ripen my cervix and then start Pitocin in the morning. (Which again, struck fear in my heart because I knew Pitocin may mean unnaturally intense contractions which could lead to an epidural and then stalled progress and potential C-section. I wish my brain didn’t go there, but I couldn’t help it!)

I wasn’t into it based on what I’d read and the fears of more interventions so asked about other options and none felt good to me. I asked for more time, hoping things would progress. But still, nothing did.

Finally a kind nurse talked to me about my fears and confided in me that she was also induced with her son using Cytotec, which made me feel better. I took the first dose around 8pm (and that nurse actually checked back in with us in the morning after Henry was born!)

We watched a movie in our room (Instant Family- some inconsequential details of course are never forgotten!) and my mom (who had joined us by this point) went to the cafeteria to get food. I remember “sneaking” bites of her quesadilla because I was instructed not to eat. (Even though I knew that was not a very evidence based practice, I wasn’t hungry).

I took another dose of Cytotec at midnight and then we tried to get a bit of sleep. But I woke up at 2:15 with contractions.

Active labor

We called the nurse in and she noted that my contractions were already 2-3 min apart. We decided I didn’t need the final two doses of Cytotec, which was a relief for me. I felt like my body truly never needed it and went into labor on its own.

A little while later- maybe 1-2 hours- things ramped up and we called our doula to come. This is around the time where things get blurry because I went into my cave. I do distinctly remember feeling her hands on my back a little while later but don’t actually recall many sights- just sensations.

For the next few hours, I just moved through my contractions, going from the bathroom to the bed (I had an IV for hydration and had to pee constantly), changing positions, utilizing my breathing and noises, and using a peanut ball and adjusting the bed to open my hips and help Henry move down.

The whole time, I was guided by my doula and supported by my husband and my mom (who we did not actually plan to have there for birth but in the end, was so glad she was). Either my eyes were closed most of the time or the room was dark (probably both), but it felt like we were in our own little bubble, which was comforting.

Things were painful but manageable until they really intensified. And I distinctly remember some specific uncomfortable parts- like any time I sat on the toilet and how weird it felt when I’d experience a contraction and my water would gush down my legs!

At some point probably closer to transition, I remember asking my doula how much worse it was going to get. I felt kind of out of it at this point- eyes closed, totally in my own world. I was trusting my body and leaning in but my contractions were so strong with such little break between that I couldn’t recover whatsoever. I truly was contemplating an epidural at that point (which I’d never been totally opposed to if I needed), but she assured me that I was getting close. And I was.

Pushing & birth

Sometime just before 7am, I felt like I needed to push. We called the nurse in and she checked me and noted I was fully dilated (this was only the 2nd check I got at the hospital- I forget when the first one was but I didn’t want a ton. I remember this one being insanely painful, too).

The on-call midwife (not either of the midwives in my practice who I planned to give birth with) was tending to another birth at the time. I was informed she’d get to my room in a few minutes. This is where things got wild- I had the most intense need to push but was told not to. I was not happy, clearly, and went into full on animal mode. There was yelling, crying, and also some (okay, a lot of) swearing.

Finally she arrived and the next few minutes felt like an instant- I was on my back, feet in stirrups, being coached to push. This part kind of felt like a dream. I didn’t plan to push on my back and did not want to, but was so wrapped up in the moment I don’t think it even crossed my mind.

I do remember hoping for relief with the pushing phase as I’d heard some other moms. But this was the most painful part for me for sure. I pushed for 1.5 hours and was so exhausted from lack of sleep and food (although I never even thought about it during labor). The ring of fire I felt when Henry was crowning is something I’ll never ever forget (turns out I also tore so some of that pain was that, too). But I did reach down to feel his head and it gave me the extra “push” (pun intended) to finally meet my baby!

And then, at 8:29am on October 15th, Henry was born! He was placed on my chest and I felt an immediate sense of relief both mentally and physically. I did not appreciate the soon-after pushing on my belly to help birth the placenta nor was I prepared for it, but I do remember how good that felt, too.

After he was born, I shook a lot- I remember reading about this happening. But it kind of felt good in a strange way- which makes sense, because shaking is a way our bodies regulate after a high stress situation. It’s a way to dispel the stress! I was given a blanket to help and it stopped soon.

I was stitched up while they waited to cut Henry’s cord (which Edwin did) and we all just marveled at him. He was weighed and got his APGAR scores real fast, and then were transferred to our room. The rest of our stay went pretty smoothly minus our breastfeeding struggles and discovery of Henry’s tongue tie (which I actually noticed at that same moment he was placed on me), and just the general discomfort after giving birth. My back and hips especially were in a lot of pain.

But the staff was amazing- we had the most loving and caring nurses (one who I never forget sat with me and shared some of her breastfeeding challenges as I cried to her about how tough of a time we were having). The food was pretty darn good, too (and there was a little snack room on our floor with to this day, the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever had).

This was all pre-COVID, so we also were able to bring food in and have visitors so a lot of our close family members stopped by during our stay. I know some women want to get home ASAP but I truly didn’t feel rushed- I appreciated the extra help from the nurses (i.e. coming to check on me, helping me to the bathroom, having trusted professionals to ask a million questions to) and the forced rest (having nowhere to really be but bed, although I wasn’t sleeping much if at all of course). (Maybe next time I will feel differently!)

And alas, after a few days of starting to get to know our new baby, we went home as a family.

Overall, the experience was intense to say the least. There were parts that were extremely hard and sometimes a little scary… and also really painful (to be completely honest).

I was and still am really proud of my body for all it did. I don’t beat myself up for things that went wrong but do also know that I learned a lot from the experience and there are things I’d do differently next time (like give my body more time to go into labor on its own, eat more at the start of labor and also during if I wanted, pack more snacks + hydration support like adrenal cocktails and bone broth, and definitely not push laying on my back- unless I wanted to).

I’ve also worked on processing some of the traumatic parts in therapy and even now, am doing somatic work to help my body let go, too.

And despite some hiccups in our “plan” (like not laboring at home, technically being induced, and not delivering with either of my midwives as planned or even my Ob), the pros for sure outweighed any cons. The decision to give birth at a hospital was fully informed and the one I felt safest with.

And ultimately, it is our story and is unique to us. I felt safe and supported. I trusted my body. And I brought my favorite person into the world.

Knowing what I know now, I’d sum up the most important things for a positive birth experience to be:

Feeling safe (including the environment, support team, and knowledge you’ve equipped yourself with)
Asking questions and advocating for yourself and your baby
Making decisions based on complete context
Processing your birth afterwards, especially if traumatic in any way
Knowing the amazing power and strength of your body no matter how you choose to or end up giving birth

If you’re preparing for birth, know that your body is designed to do this. If this isn’t your first and perhaps your initial experience(s) did not go how you wanted, know that you can rewrite the story. And no matter what- even if you don’t plan to have another baby- your story is important. Write it down. Talk about it. Be proud of it.